Godly texting
by Audrey.Hawkins
Summary: Over the centuries gods have used a lot of methods for conversation. Dreams, pigeons, (owls? Sorry sorry this is a PJO fic) and a lot others. What about texting? Absolutely plain humor and craziness
1. Chapter 1

All Athena wanted was a peaceful time in the University she was teaching in, after all it was her free period. But apparently when you have seven godly siblings, one of them _has _to annoy you to death(oh wait, she is immortal).

**_Beep_**** Beep**

Her cell phone signalled a message. She checked it. It was from Apollo via HermesChat.

Great.

Apollo: hey ath r u der?

Athena hated text slangs,why can't people just type it out correctly?

You: What do you want Apollo?

Apollo: juss ya help. (Pleasing hand stickers)

You: (quirked eyebrow sticker). Why so?

Apollo: ok. ders dis cute unvrsty gal i met ystrdy. shes real gorges n i wanna talk to her (Love crazy face sticker)

You Did you lose your tongue or something?

Apollo nope why

Athena rolled her eyes. How stupid can one be?

You Duh. Can't you go and straightaway talk to her?

Apollo actlly no

You Why?

Apollo She luvs books (Lots of heart and books stickers)

This girl I was no match for him, Athena thought.

You And you have never touched a book in your entire life of centuries.

Apollo yes, i mean no hey! (angry face sticker)

You Sorry Apollo, it's the truth. Aren't you the god of truth?

Apollo i am? (Doubtful face sticker)

Athena was pretty sure this guy had lost his mind over the

You All right. For your sake, ask her if she likes Greek Mythology.

Apollo but i no nothin bout it!

You YOU ARE A PART OF IT, IDIOT!

Apollo oh right(smiley blush sticker) wait, i ll ask her

You Are you somewhere near her?

How idiot was can this guy be, hard to believe Artemis was _his _twin, Athena thought.

Apollo i am in lib. with her shes rite next to me.

Athena really wanted to murder this guy, brutally. How dare he TEXT in a LIBRARY!

You YOU ARE TEXTING IN A LIBRARY!(very angry faces stickers)

Apollo well yea ath, anny she luvs greek mythlogy

You Well then talk to her stupid!

Athena was literally amazed at this guy's thick-headedness.

Apollo Thnx ath (grinning sticker)

With that crazy conversation, she got back to checking paprrs and sipping coffee with a dash of nectar.


	2. Chapter 2

Artemis sat down the soft green grass, her bow at her side. Feeling the bliss of the wild.

**Chirp chirp**

'What in the name of Zeus!' she cursed as her phone signalled a message, thus spoiling her scenic mood.

As usual, it was from Apollo. Who else would _dare_ to annoy her?

**Apollo**

Hey sis, heard of your great victory(silver bow sticker and smiley sticker)

**You**

What the heck?

Either he was trying to annoy her or...well he hasn't got anything else to do.

**Apollo**

I heard that you defeated the Gorgons, a bunch of Empousai and that Minotaur. ALL AT ONCE, congrats sis (confetti stickers)

Artemis smiled, for once she was happy to make her brother proud.

**You**

That was nothing

**Apollo**

Are you crazy? Even for a goddess defeating such monsters at once,in one personality, with just arrows is really a great achievement. (proud at you face sticker)

Artemis was feeling proud now. She loved how Apollo, who at times would kill the sanity out of her, can make a single achievment so great for her.

**You**

Thanks brother, happy to make you proud

**Apollo**

So when are you throwing the party? My eyes are begging a sight of your Huntresses.

Artemis took back her words. This guy will _always_ remain the same.

**You**

You stupid idiot. You'll never change

**Apollo**

Of course I won't, little sis.

Artemis had him blocked for one week till he send her chocolates carved with 'Sorry Artemis' (which,by miracle, tasted great)

**So, how was it?**

**And Apollo only uses text slangs for Athena, to annoy her of course**


	3. Chapter 3

Aphrodite was bored out of her mind. And it wasn't even the right time to play with couples, plus she had maxed at her hot pink Olympus Express credit card thirty times since morning and Ares nor Hephaestus would like to do it again.

Whom to annoy? Ah, Artemis.

She took out her iPhone 6 (because she's Aphrodite, she got it before time) from her Louis Vuitton desinger hand bag and opened the (Just for Aphrodite, a new version made by Hermes just for her) app.

She searched the 'Olympian Twins' block and touched Artemis.

Hi Artemis- Aphrodite

_What the Hades?-Artemis_

Why is it neccesary for her to be so grumpy? Aphrodite thought

Well, I was wondering if my fave goddess has some gossip to share-Aphrodite

_NO,thank you-Artemis_

Okay okay, wait, um, what about some fashion tips,huh?-Aphrodite

_Not in a million centuries-Artemis_

Anyways, you know you should, like, curl your hair or something because they are really suckerish. I mean,like, so crazy DARK BLACK with such a tangled mess. I suggest you should,like, turn your hair blonde and put green lenses. 'Cause like, silver looks dumb and all.- Aphrodite

You are wasting your time, oh wait, isn't that EXACTLY what you do?-Artemis

Artemis, don't be so grumpy. Well have you thought about another date with Orion? You know, like ,you guys used to be so close and all.-Aphrodite

_Shut your trap up. That's not gonna happen because a) I HATE guys apart from Dad and Apollo and b) He's DEAD- Artemis_

Aww, Artemis. Life's so boring-Aphrodite

_Go annoy my brother- Artemis_

Artemis has left the conversation.

Artemis has blocked Aphrodite.

'Aww man' Aphrodite muttered and went to annoy Apollo.

**I suppose you guessed the next chapter, but before that, a review or I won't update**


	4. Chapter 4

Apollo was chatting away with his new found 'friend' Linda Crimson, when he recieved a message.

**(guitar sound)**

'What a nice tone' Linda said

'Yeah, after Apollo, you know the god of music?' he said casually.

'Oh, I really find that guy amusing.' Linda dreamily said.

'You do?' Apollo said as he checked the message.

'You have...HermesChat?' Linda asked at the app icon

Shoot. Apollo thought.

'Yeah, see everything Greek mythology based.' he lied.

It was from Aphrodite.

He hid the contact name before Linda could see it and question further.

**Hey Apollo(hearty stickers)**

Oh Zeus. What the Hades is wrong with her, again.

**You- Wat do u want Aff?**

**Why is everyone so grumpy today?**

**You-Lemme guess, u recently annoyed Arty?**

**You're so smart(hearty eyed face sticker)**

'Is she your...' Linda motioned with her hands.

'No! She is my...grand-aunt.' Apollo realised.

'Seems really, ah, _fond_ of you.' Linda said and went back to the book she was reading.

**Hey honey, wanna meet tonight? In a sweet little cafe?**

'Are you sure she's your grand aunt?' Linda asked sort of teasingly.

'Maybe she has mistaken me for my grand uncle.' Apollo said. 'Who just happens to be my half brother.' he muttered under his breath.

'Huh?'

'Nothing Linda.'

**Why aren't you replying?(scared blue face sticker)**

**You- Sorry Grandaunty, I'm Apollo, your grandnephew. **He texted back as Linda peered over from his shoulder.

**What are you saying? I am Aphrodite, goddess of beauty! Not your 'grand aunt'**

'Damn it.' Apollo facepalmed.

'Grand aunt, half brother, Hermes... you're Apollo! Not James...' then Linda looked at him with frightened expression.

'I don't wanna be mother to your demigod child!'she screamed and bolted out of the exit.

'Linda!I can explain! Stop!' he ran after her but the librarian and the guards accused him of making noise and threw him out, face first.

Mysteriously, the three spoke in rhymes all month.

Years later a son of _Hermes _by the surname Crimson was found in Camp Half Blood. Just great

_**I know this is kinda boring, but the next one or the one after that will be good. I am sorry. Promise, next includes two LOVEBIRDS of Olympus, guess whom?**_

_**Review-y please**_


	5. Chapter 5

Zeus was walking out of that oh-so-awesome Chinese food place, when his phone signaled a message.

**Bam! bam!** (yes his phone's message tone was lightening, which he wasn't ashamed of, probably)

New Message from **86181151225** via HermesChat

'Who the Hades is this?' He wondered.

**You** who r u?

**86181151225** wat do u mean by 'who r u'?

**You** I mean dat I am asking u the ques.

**86181151225** u dont no me?

**You** nope

Zeus was pretty sure that this has to be a prank message, and if it turns out to be from a mortal or demigod, they are scorched to the ground, unless of course they are Thalia or Jason.

**86181151225**after five millennia of marriage, u dont no me? (Angry face)

**You** now which goddess r u?

Then Zeus realised he was dead, if it was whom he feared.

**You** honey, i mean

**86181151225** u ***** u *** u ****** which goddess r u? Is that even a ques, u ****

His fears were confirmed.

**86181151225** I am Hera! Ur wife! ( bride sticker). U r not sleeping in tonite.

Damn it, Zeus thought. He ran back to the Chinese hotel and asked if they had a room free for like a millennia?

There answer was of course 'No sir.'

We'll that wa the worst night of his immortal life.


	6. Chapter 6

Hades,as usual, was in the Underworld, sitting in the balcony, overlooking the crowded Fields of Asphodel.

**Ka-ching Ka-ching**

'What the Hades.' he muttered, 'Hey, _I'm _Hades. Now I can't even curse? Ugh.'

He hated the message tone. Persephone set it up as a revenge for not letting her watch the flower show on TV and taking the remote to watch Crazy Funerals instead. And he couldn't figure out how to change it.

**New Message from Hermes HermesChat.**

'Ironic.' he said.

**Hermes****\- Yo Uncle H.**

**You\- What the hell?**

**Hermes\- Why would you curse your own home?**

'Ugh, this is so not fair.' Hades said.

**You\- Why did you texted me?**

**Hermes-Was getting bored, here's the link to a video**

**www . Crazy Hades Youtube. com**

**You\- Hey! Who put that online?**

**Her****mes- Me,Apollo and Artemis. And Uncle H, I never knew that you could do ballet in a swiming costume on hard rock music. (thumbs up sticker)**'

'Why do they prank me only?' Hades mused

**You\- I hate you three.**

**Hermes\- Now don't go emo as you are.**

**You\- Emo? Me? I am no emo.**

**Hermes\- Thats what you think, Uncle H. The whole godly, demigodly and mortal population knows you as an emo god who likes to live dark.**

Hades was beyond infuriated.

**You-Who spread this?**

**Hermes\- Definitely not me.**

**You\- Aren't you the god of lies?**

**Hermes\- Oh of course NOT Uncle H.**

**You\- Sorry, gotta go, Persephone.**

**Hermes\- Yeah go forget your nephew, forget that **_**I **_**was the one who got Persephone to you.**

**You- Sorry Hermes. I'll give you 500 drachmas if you let me go.**

**Hermes\- The phone's yours I'm not stoping you. But I'll take the drachmas. Thanks Uncle H. I **_**had to return a long forgotten loan to Apollo. I am two centuries due.**_

'What a waste of time.' Hades thought.

**Ooc, bad, not good. Please review**


	7. Chapter 7

Posiedon sat in his awesome underwater palace's Game Room playing Dangerous Depths Version 6.9. He was just about to kill the last Evil Shark and clear level 155

**Splash!**

His Sony Xperia Z signalled a message from Hermes HermesChat

**Yo Uncle P.**

**What now Hermes**

**Juss wanna tell ya bout sumthin**

**And what is that?**

**PERCABETH! (LOTS OF HEART STICKERS)**

**And what the Hades is that?**

**Percy+ Annabeth+ (two hearts with an arrow sticker) = Percabeth! **

**And no I didn't get Aphrodite flu.**

**Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww**

**And what's more Pothena!**

'Pothena?' he wondered for a while. 'YUCK!'

**Hermes! What on Olympus!**

**That's exactly what I was waiting for.**

**(scratchy head sticker)**

**My work here is done**

'Young gods and their crazy time-passes.'

* * *

**If you're wondering about the Sony Xperia Z, the ad says it's waterproof and considering it's his underwater palace**


	8. Chapter 8

Hermes was flipping through the channels on his mega-huge, flat-screen, 75 inch, HD, 3D TV but couldn't find anything intresting to watch.

His current position was upside down on his super-comfy sofa chair with his mouth stuffed with popcorn and the bowl dangling from his feet. 'Are you gonna clean that mess up or not? 'Cause I won't.' Iris said from behind the couch.

She was here to cook him a special six century anniversary dinner date. But apparently she was thinking otherwise once she saw the state of his house.

**DEMETER MESSAGED** a computerized voice signaled a message. At HermesChat.

**Demeter**

**Voice Note (play)**

He played the note anyway.

'**TELL YOUR SON TO STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER OR HE'S GONNA END UP IN A PACK OF KELLOG'S!'**

Big mistake. Iris had her hands glued to her ears and covered with earmuffs as well.

As for Hermes, no one told him this will be the result.

'Ouch.' He whispered.

'I feel _really _sad for you.' Iris said patting his shoulder.

**You**

**Why?**

**Demeter**

**WHY? I'll tell you why. Here are some pictures which my daughter Abby sent me.**

**Demeter**

**Image (touch to see)**

**Demeter**

**Image (touch to see)**

**Demeter**

**Image (touch to see)**

The first one was of Travis and Katie lying under a tree and pointing at the stars.

The second was Katie and Travis drinking a strawberry shake from the same glass.

The third had both of them sleeping on each other in an outside bench.

'Aww, this is so cute.' Iris said. Sitting on the armrest she had seen all the pictures.

'Cute? I think they have Aphrodite flu.' Hermes remarked.

Iris seemed offended.

'Go learn something from your son. He's more romantic than you.'

'Aww Rainbow.' Hermes said pecked her cheeks.

**Demeter **

**And this gets on nerves.**

**Demeter **

**Image (touch to see)**

It was of Katie and Travis meowing.

'He's seventeen, right? So does that mean in a few more years I will be related to Demeter again? '

'What dress should I pick for the wedding? After all, _perhaps_ I'll be his immortal mum by then?' Iris smirked.

'Yeah _perhaps_.' Hermes said.

Iris hit him with a pillow.

**You**

**So, what's wrong with that, huh?**

**Demeter**

**What's wrong?! I don't want my daughter with Thief Guy.**

**You**

**But I find my son perfectly fine with your daughter.**

**Demeter**

**Are you crazy?**

**You **

**It's **_**you **_**who is the crazy cereal lady.**

**Demeter**

**I am offended**

**You**

**That was exactly my intention.**

**Demeter**

**You are so... ugh.**

**You **

**Thank you.**

'You know perfectly well how to annoy a girl.' Iris said.

'Yep. Comes with millennia of experience.'

Iris rolled her eyes.

* * *

**Okay, thanks for your support. Please name all the Olympians who are not mentioned yet. **


End file.
